Robots are going to kill us

There have been many predictions as to how the world will end but the most exciting demise always involves robots.  The Mayans foresaw the collapse of Hallmark and Nostradamus went for the ever-popular comet theory but it was the Genius that is James Cameron that came up with the sentient Skynet hypothesis.   Skynet being the super computer America installs to manage its entire nuclear arsenal. What seems like a really good idea backfires when Skynet becomes self-aware and determines all mankind to be flawed  (on balance not an easy point to argue).

In an attempt to avoid the inevitable difficulties associated with a freethinking computer, lets not forget Hal being a dick about the pod bay doors, the hapless Americans try to pull the plug on Skynet.  Skynet is left with no other option but to launch nuclear payloads everywhere.  . . Ouch!!!  Following the holocaust the remains of mankind must fight hordes of cyborgs with sweet lasers.  Now that’s an end to the world.  Sadly that is not the way shit is going to go down.

I am sure we can all agree that the world will end and the end will come at the hands, or clamps, of machines.  Now before you start drawing up tactical plans to take down an eight ton kill-bot, I am sorry to tell you awesome kill-bots will have no place in our future.  The robots responsible for our end game are Sainsbury’s self scan robots and all the robots like them taking our shitty jobs.

True story; an end has come to the small minded, ignorant fear towards someone from Poland taking all the jobs.  Now it’s a mechanical, soulless automaton with a strange voice taking all the jobs and I am not talking about the Germans.  The robots are coming and they are boring.                                                                                                                      

But hold the Nokia 6301 phone! How can those shitty no-bots destroy our entire species? I hear you asking.   The problem with humanity is we are totally ill equipped to deal with our brains.  We are capable of breaking the bounds of earth and shooting chimpanzees into space but we cannot work out that more money should be spent on education than the military.

This sums up the human race.  As long as we have something that proves we are clever, we can happily overlook how stupid we are.  Making robots do shit for us is super clever, taking away the jobs of the masses and leaving them without any hope of making a living, forcing them to claim benefits or turn to crime is super stupid and the masses are starting to get pissed off.  I saw a man screaming at a Sainsbury’s self-service robot the other day.  Apparently there was some confusion regarding items in the bagging area.  This dude was getting really upset and the last thing I heard him scream was “I’ve fucking taken the cheese twist off you cunt” to which the robot replied “there is an unknown item in the bagging area please remove this item” At that point the man resorted to punching the robot right in the scanner before collapsing from a heart attack.  Robots 1 humans 0.

Of course not all humans will go the same way as the track suited gentleman at the Sainsbury’s but as more and more robots fill the jobs we need to make money to buy food more and more people will resort to violence until we are living in a Mad Max style wasteland. Everyday politicians look confused about record unemployment because politicians are generally educated in elite schools that encourage buggery and have no interest with what is actually happening to the poor saps that voted, or not as the case may be, for them. 

Friends have said “chill out Jono if there are more robots then there are more jobs building the robots” Those morons are no longer my friends.  Robots build robots; the only human interaction required is that of a fat spotty programmer fluent in both C++ and Romulan. 

Those guys couldn’t give three fucks about the unemployed because while the future programmers were at school applying themselves to learning, the future unemployed were calling them ‘faggots’ and pushing their heads down the toilet.  Nerds delight in the plight of the common man because at the end of the world they will simply board their space robots and fly off to Earth 2.  Which has already been discovered.    

Only nerds will make it to Earth 2 where they will be pampered by gorgeous sex-bots that never tire of watching ‘Buffy the Vampire slayer’.  Everyone else will starve to death to the beeping sound of a scanner not being able to read the barcode on their bread.