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JON

Hi I'm Jon and I'll be your Uber driver today. I'll be fuming when you keep me waiting 30 seconds, but it's all part of my charm. You'll be riding in the cramped comfort of this rusted hatchback that smells like feet, with the radio stuck on an epilepsy-inducingly-crackly reception of XFM, but it's not even my car because I don't have one - my eyesight is so bad I'll never pass my driving test. Lucky it's not raining or you'd be dead!
Please rate me 5 stars. Please, I need this.

HOT OR NOT?
Didn't you order the Executive?
 
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NATH

Hi I'm Nathan and I'm your train conductor. Tickets please! You don't have one? Don't worry, everyone gets a free ride with me. Life is hard enough, eh? We don't wear uniforms on First Anti-Capital Connect because we believe in expressing our unique personalities and we're not Nazis. That's why I've donned this eclectic outfit comprised of pieces I swapped with a homeless person for my entire Armani wardrobe. And yes, I built this entire train myself using only discarded chicken shop boxes.

HOT OR NOT?
Every passenger is first class.